Microwave on High for 15 minutes

So, I get this bright idea that I'll go to the tanning bed... well actually it was my cowboy's idea.. since my legs haven't seen the sun in about 8 years and they reflect the uv rays... anyways..  since we are going to the beach in a couple of weeks... When I say beach.. I really mean.. I get to to to the beach.. but sit in a conference room for 10-12 hours a day and listen to some jack wagon have diarrhea of the mouth whilst I get my continuing education credits... and do doctor stuffs...
Anyways.. back to my story... Tuesday morning I figure.. I'll go use these said visits that I purchased early last week.....  I get there around 8:30... and the lady opens the door.. I walk up to the counter and she asks for my last name.. and I explained it was my first time.. etc.. she looks at me and says you look like you tan ok..  I'm all "yeah I don't really burn on my arms"... so she explains that I get 15 minutes... and I need lotion... blah blah blah..
So I get into this room with this bed that looks like a warped MRI machine... and I lock the door behind me, I look over the controls once more.. start/stop button... fans.... + turn them up - turn them down... and I get undressed lotion myself up with this lotion called 'zero to sexy'.. I get all situated.. by which I mean.. I sit down and slid into the machine,.. apparently the lotion mixture and glass are pretty slick....
so I lay there put on the goggle thingies.. and put this towel over my face... I'm not trying to get melanoma anywhere near, around or on the face ya, know... 
and I pull the coffin lid down and figure out I can't see the start button.. so I undo my face mask and peek through the goggles and turn that bad boy on... then the fans.. and replaced the towel over my face.. 
I'm laying there.. thinking all kinds of things.. and I get hot... REALLy hot.. and I start thinking to myself.... If this thing got stuck.. I wonder how bad the burns would be.. could your skin boil? or would you turn to a charred mess? and I tried and tried to think of the horror movie that the girl died in the tanning bed... and I couldn't remember it... about that time... I'm thinking.. man.. my boobs feel like they are on fire.. my butt too....  So finally this microwave turns off.. and I get out.. and I don't look any different.... I get dressed and I go home... and do some junk around the house... fry some pork chops for lunch and bake some fries.. and then I go to get undressed and dressed for work.. and viola... I look like a freaking lobster.. my ass is burnt and so is my stomach, boobs and legs.... HOLY CRAP batman... so I lather up real good with aloe and I've decided.. I'm no shee shee fru fru kinda gal...  I'll take my chances with the sun and my reflective, once white.. now lobster red legs...
I have a tan line from where I left my underwear on..... it's bad......
today.. I went to go see how my training horses were doing... and I wanted to ride Charlie and Redneck Romeo.. and I just couldn't do it.. the jeans were chaffing me.. and it was also brought to my attention today that your first visit in the tanning bed should be for 5 minutes.. not 15.  I think I was cooked from the inside out.. like in the microwave... UV wave.. Microwave... feh....
Thinking back on Redneck Romeo.. I don't think that is the right name for him...
Everyone calls him Tim... I don't like that name either.. but, Romeo isn't the right name for him...  I need to think of something else..
we measured him.. he's 16.1hh... two-three months ago he was 15.3hh so he's still a growing boy...
we just got back from charlotte... and I can't sleep.. by the time we hit Chester, SC my cowboy was out like a light, so I stopped trying to get some coffee... wait.. let me back up. I stopped in rock hill, found a dunkin donuts... and the joker was closed at 10:30pm.. what the heck were they thinking?
so, I got back on the road, and headed towards home.. and got off the exit in Chester and decided I really needed something to keep me awake..  I went into a BP.. Looked around for coffee, and they didn't have any brewed... So I hit up the cooler.. found some starbucks frappa-whatever and checked the label on that joker.. holy crap... I put that back.. tons of sugar and carbs.. not really low fat.. but only 200 calories.... screw that..
So I mozied on down a bit and found the energy drink section.. which consisted of some nos, monster and redbull.....   I decided on the red bull and took that up to the counter and added a lonely banana that looked at me... and got back in the truck.. I peeled the banana and headed back onto the back roads...  I finished that and popped open the top on the red bull and started flipping through the 200 and something channels of the xm radio.. to find out.. that nothing was on... so I started over at 1.. found an elvis song on 19.. listened to that for a while and sipped on this god awful red bull, then flipped some more channels.. found some journey on the classic rewind station... that went off.. I flipped through all of these crap channels again and landed on something called deep tracks.. which was a mistake because I had to cut my bright lights off for a passerby car... and I heard it....
Iron butterfly baby.....  so As I sipped the drink I was tranced out by in-a-godda-da-vida.. and I thought back to a conversation I had about what songs would people say I always listened to, and would play at my funeral..  my top three play list is #1) In-a-godda-da-vida.. could you imagine that.. 17+ minutes, people would be all zoned out thinking about what they were doing in the 70s.... #2) highway to hell.... completely inappropriate for a funeral.. and #3) Hells Bells...... not even going to touch that one...   I just love the old rock.. I can't help myself... AC/DC still awesome in my book..  So I decided I needed to expand my favorite songs list... lol
Well, I reckon I'm going to get on to bed, and read.. I picked up an oldie.. "a wrinkle in time"  a book I have no idea how I held onto it for so long.. but, I remember liking it a lot when I was in elementary school.  


Comments

  1. I hope your burns heal up! So you can get back to riding! Yikes!

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