Massholes


I should have known after I went through airport security in Columbia..... that this was not going to be a good deal..I was wearing some wranger booty up jeans.. and they were "bedazzled" as the security lady told me.. I got checked for explosives....... seriously..
So Waiting for our plane was uneventful... everything was on time and nice and smooth... which should have been anoher clue....
We land at 10:30pm in the Boston International Airport... we make out way to the outside and get ourselves a cab......  Now previously when I called the Crowne Plaza Hotel to ask them if they had a shuttle from the airport to the hotel... they said "take a cab"... ok....  so I was following orders....
We ask the cabby foreigner how much it was to Natick.. and the answer we got was "it's on the meter"  s after asing like 2 times how much that was going to be...  My cowboy said "so is that 30 bucks or what"...... well.. fast forward a long 19 mile ride like 5 toll plazas later.. we had a 99 dollar bill.....  I was livid......  then I get inside the hotel to check in and I'm not a happy camper....Sooo.. fast forward to the first day of the seminar...   I'm sitting there.. minding my own business in the semi-front corner of the room... and some lady sits down next to me and starts knitting... and making peanut gallery comments about the speaker...... which I ignored..
Then we got sectioned off to go "hands on learning"   So while i'm standing there not saying a word... these two ladies were talking about the speaker and how he was a dork in school and how different he was... then this other lady says "oh you graduated with him?" and they were like "yeah we graduated in 88"  the other lady says she graduated in 85 from Georgia.. now i'm really paying attention because the went to the same school i graduated from... then to my complete suprise... the 85 graduate says "It's weird I didn't know you two,  us northerners didn't associate with the dumb southerners"............................. SERIOUSLY....
I about lost the manners I was taught.....  I told those wenches, in my best twang, we still don't like y'all either.....  then they were all offended.. I was offended they were offended... and it was on.....
then I find out all these ladies are born and bread in Boston.......  I just wanted to make it through the day without punching somene.. which was actually quite challanging... because the jerkface next to me knitting.. started explaining to me about how great obama care was and how this was going to be great for physicians and blah blah blah.. I told her she was drinking the juice with the rest of the assholes and I couldn't shove my head far enough up my ass to see her point of view.....
end of the seminar day one..
friends made..........0
Now, previously  I had made reservations for the Union Oyster House.. which is supposed to be the oldest restaurant founded in 1718 or some crap like that...   We ask how to get to boston from the hotel..... Boston was 10 miles from where we were.....
Concierge told us to take the train, and the would shutttle us there....  well, after the zit faced bostonian took us to the train station, he said, make sure you ask the people if you are going the right way.. thanks.. bye..
So we are standing..... at some deserted train station in west natick shithole Massachusetts... staring at a list of town names that say outbound and inbound....  I have no idea where I am or which way i'm supposed to be going... so I spy a seven eleven....  and we walked over there.... making fun of the stereotypical 7-11 owner... to find just that.. behind the counter....
So I ask the non-american jerkface when the next train is.. (they sell the tickets in there) and he says "you check times on wall"  so I go over there to see the same damn schedule that was on the wall at the train station..so now I get loud.. and ask about the inbound outbound thing.. to find out... that the next train was in an hour and fourty six minutes.. and our reservations were in an hour and a half.. So after a long string of exclamations and grumbles.. I call a cab.....to find out that the nigerian that comes to get us.. tells us it is going to cost 80 dollars to get to the city..... and I digress....
I pitched a fit cursed outloud pretty loud in Italian and then in English and told the guy to take me back to the damn hotel....  Then I kept grumbling.... and he took us to the mall that was across the street from the hotel so we could get soome food....  and there was either 20 dollar chinese food, some california pizza place.. which I did not get close enough to New York pizza.. to eat some crap that is made frm the land of fruits and nuts... we went to the Cheesecake Factory......
We walk in there and I told the fella I needed a seat for two.. and he told me there was going to be an 80 minute wait..... My blood pressure went from 130/90 to about 190/130.... and he quickly told us that the ba was first come first serve... and we spotted a empty table...  so did these other people...and it was a tight race to the table.. which ended with me sitting my ass down in the chair.. giving the woman a very very 'I'm going to beat you like a school girl and kill your family' look and my face turned red.. and I took a deep breath because I was going to need my lungs to full capacity when I started screaming......
the lady must have had some voice in her head that said... run away... because she looked down and slowly started to walk away..   the waitor came over.... and I told him before he did anything else.. to bring me a double shot of Jack Daniels and don't let my damn glass get empty.......  and that was practically the end of the first day....  not that this doesn't need to be mentioned....
I called the hotel to get them to bring the shuttle over to get us across the street.... the woman thatanswered  said they would be right there..... 20 minutes later.. I call back and not so nice.. and she says "they left out already"  I hung up on her.. kicked some sign and walked across the street too the hotel mumbling the whole way......   feh...

Day 2... I sit down.... and who sits next to me?  yeah.... the wench from yesterday that don't like rednecks...
so I'm sitting there.. and she's smiling and acting like her shit don't stink... and I went to leave early... because I could not Wait to get to the damn airport... and she's like where are you going so early?  I told her to get the hell out of this shit state.....

On the way to the airport... we found some bus... which we took for 11 bucks a piece...  I couldn't check in at the kiosk... and the first chinito lady rolled her damn eyes at me when I asked for help... 
I explained loudly I'd slap that piss poor look off her face.. and went to another airline jerkface that explained to me that our plane got changed from laying over in newark to dulles.. and when she said dulles with her foreign accent...  I thought she said Dallas.. and I exclaimed Texas? and she was all, no DC..... I was all.. just get me back to South Carolina.. I don't care how....
and I got checked for explosives again....  
and we got on our plane and landed in dulles... then our flight back south of the Mason-Dixon Line was delayed about an hour and half due to the tornadoes that were tearing up illinois and finally at 8pm..we were home... I about damn near kissed the ground when I got back...Oh..  On our fight frm Boston to Dulles..  Some foreigner asked me to move my bad...  he had an aweful accent....  so I looked at him like a cow looking at a new gate and said "dew whut" and he slowly told me "I move your bag"   apparently he wanted to move my bag so he would have a bigger spot for his bag.. but I gave him a blank stare and said "whhaaayyyyuuuutttt" again and he shook his head and walked on...  who had the last laugh?  I did.... my bag was still in the same spot and he had to check his.... 

what did I learn out of this experience... Massachusetts sucks... New York is far superior... and I'm proud to live and die in dixie... 

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